


Inevitable

by ItLovedToHappen



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-06-03 20:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6624448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItLovedToHappen/pseuds/ItLovedToHappen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa and Clarke meet through mutual friends and end up exchanging an ever increasing amount of texts and almost moments when they're together.<br/>All of their friends can see they're meant to be more but neither of them are brave enough to take the leap and for every step they take towards each other they seem to take two away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The summer had passed in the kind of alcohol-fuelled haze Lexa had come to expect from her focus-free, post-education life. Sure, she was 18 and due to head off to uni in a few weeks (results dependent), but as she lounged back in the driver's seat looking out over the beach below, she just couldn't picture it. It's not that she wasn't capable academically; she was naturally intelligent, even if she lacked the drive to back it up. The fact was she was completely terrified of moving away from everything which was safe and known. There were painful memories here, mostly centred around one person or her early teenage years, but overwhelmingly Lexa felt like she'd found her niche. She'd found it in the friends she'd made who looked to her to organised their summer trips away, the work she'd done in establishing a girls football programme at local primary schools, and even in the town itself as she never seemed to go far without someone recognising her for something. Uni felt like it would mean losing all that. And having experienced loss all too often, Lexa could probably be forgiven for trying to shield herself from that once more. 

Clarke's summer was alcohol-fueled and just as hazy. She'd spent two gloriously sun-drenched weeks at Disney in Orlando with the boy of her dreams. Even though they were set to go their separate ways after results day, she couldn't help but feel like life was perfect and whatever they came up against they could tackle together. Her worries were allayed a week later when results arrived. She'd be heading to her first choice uni to persue her passion as a straight A student. Moreover, she'd have her childhood sweetheart by her side as he managed the grades for his second choice uni. They wouldn't live together, but they'd be close enough to date and spend time together without suffering long distance. Clarke couldn't wait to get there.

Lexa need not have worried about moving on. Results day was horrendous and ultimately four marks meant she'd need to defer her uni application for a year and go back to school. No uni, one emotional, over-bearing parental figure and countless questions about whether this was because of 'her' left Lexa feeling worse than she had in months. The familiar feeling of uselessness settled in the pit of her stomach and she found even the most necessary of tasks utterly pointless. She ended up numbly pledging to go back to school, study two more A Levels, resume her role in the football programme, assist with language classes, and pick up 1 day a week of interning at a local law firm. She knew she should be grateful with the package Titus, her somewhat controlling parental figure, had put together, but feeling anything was a compromise. The law firm meant she'd need to engage with people and maybe ask for help, but it was one day a week and having a plan that stopped everyone's pity was enough to allow her to push her concerns away. With a week to go before her closest friends headed off to uni 120 miles away, Lexa took refuge in her room. She wasted the last glorious days of August behind a computer screen or at the end of a phone, keeping those who cared at distance and attending farewell events only through a sense of duty.

XXX

September came and went, and Lexa eased herself back into a routine, managing to get herself out of bed and even enjoying some of her days. At the start of October her phone lit up.

From: Unknown Number: hey

Only the number wasn't really unknown, it was a number burned into Lexa's brain from sneaking around to call it from the house phone or friends' phones throughout her teenage years. That number and its owner would forever be known to Lexa: Costia. She knew she shouldn't reply, but she'd never had much willpower when it came to Costia. A hey turned into hourly updates, which in turn led to snapchats back and forth and then night time phone calls when possible. 

Three weeks after their shared hey, Lexa found herself driving 6 hours to Costia's mother's house to spend 4 days with the girl she'd loved since she was 14, purely as friends of course. It took less than an hour for a tickle fight to transcend into a kiss, and a kiss to allow them to tumble back into a relationship despite their baggage. Regardless of the complications, Lexa finally felt like she could breathe again.

University suited Clarke. She'd been placed in a nice enough flat with 4 people who were pleasant, even if they hadn't really bonded beyond a few evenings out drinking together. Her relationship was great. Finn had been placed in a flat two floors above Clarke's and his flatmates had quickly warmed to her. She'd been welcomed into a sort of unholy trinity with Raven and Octavia who were both loud and outspoken, but shared Clarke's love of Harry Potter and reality TV. They'd become each other's support systems, and were always up for evenings doing karaoke or midnight cheesecake runs. Anya and Gustus had known eachother since high school. Whilst they were outwardly intimidating, they'd quickly fallen into a role as parents of the groups; getting involved in the antics of the others, but reigning them in before they went too far. Clarke often wondered where Finn actually fit into the group dynamic. Gustus kept him at arms length and although the others included him, only Raven seemed to spend any one-on-one time with him. Octavia's older brother, Bellamy, was a year ahead of them at uni and spent a lot of time with the group. He'd formed a sort of bromance with Finn and it was only when he was around that Clarke saw Finn truly comfortable. He'd made course friends and work friends at the Italian restaurant on the corner so Clarke didn't see the need to worry too much, he'd talk to her if something was up. Uni had given the couple a perfect balance of closeness and distance, and Clarke felt like their relationship had never been better. They argued, and it got ugly at times, but most nights they'd end up curled up in the same bed, the day's issues put behind them. She couldn't believe how truly content she felt.

XXX

At the start of November, Anya called a family meeting, including Clarke and Bellamy. She let them know that a group of their friends from home would be visiting the next weekend. It would mean the flat was pretty crowded, but she promised they'd have a laugh. Clarke couldn't help but be intrigued by the people they'd described. They seemed so different to her own friends, and both Anya and Gustus spoke of them with such fondness and respect that she wasn't sure what to expect when they arrived. 

Lexa was surprised she'd agreed to Anya's plan, but her renewed enthusiasm for life made Anya happy, even if the cause didn't. Even cramming 5 people and their weekend luggage (mostly alcohol) into her car didn't dampen her excitement. She hadn't seen Anya or Gustus since August, and she owed them for the disaster she'd been before they left. She knew their housemates had quickly become very important to them and was desperate to at least make an adequate first impression.

It was good to see Anya interact with her housemates, she seemed happy and carefree. Jealousy hit Lexa harder than she expected. Maybe that was what prejudiced her against the people in the room, but she didn't warm to them. Anya understood. Lexa rarely liked anyone on first meeting and people rarely tried beyond that because making small talk with Lexa was akin to pulling teeth. In a group setting she struggled to find the courage to interject into people's conversations and was happier to let them carry on around her. As she withdrew into herself she noticed Anya's sad look and smiled, what she hoped was a reassuring smile. 

The next day was spent catching up. Indra, who had travelled with Lexa, went out with Gustus to catch a war documentary at the local cinema before stopping off at a vegan café. Lexa, Anya and their other friends opted for a duvet day and the Lord of the Rings films. The evening was spent much like the previous. They congregated in the kitchen with drinks and talked. Once again Lexa let proceedings carry on around her. Listening, but never partaking. That was until someone addressed her directly.  
"So, how don't your family know that you're gay?" asked a blonde girl, swinging her feet up onto Lexa's chair like it was the most normal thing in the world.  
Clarke had been out with her own housemates and was pleasantly tipsy. She could feel the warmth in her cheeks and the loosening of her tongue as she plopped into the chair in Finn's kitchen.

"Yeah. It's pretty fucking obvious" added Finn from across the room. Lexa had decided early on that she hated him and his ridiculous floppy hair and entitled attitude.  
"Shut up Finn. You're fucking up making my cheese toastie" snapped Clarke impatiently, before rolling her eyes in Lexa's direction. "So...?"  
"I'm sure they're more than aware" answered Lexa stiffly. She could feel everyone in the room looking at her. "We just don't talk much."  
"You don't talk at all" grinned Clarke. "I can't believe you're the person Anya and Gus have been talking about all this time." Clarke took the toastie Finn had made her and nibbled the corner thoughtfully. "Yeah," added Finn loudly, "They seemed to think you were even better with girls than me!" Clarke rolled her eyes again at Finn's interruption and Lexa flushed. She knew the reputation she had had amongst her friends at home and whilst many knew it to be untrue she couldn't quite seem to shake it. It was easier than admitting just how hurt she'd been when Costia had ended things the first time and she'd thought she'd never be motivated to do anything ever again. 

The feet on her seat were making Lexa uncomfortable, despite the 6 inches of space between them and herself. She ignored Finn's comment and let the conversation of the others pick up loudly around her and typed out a quick message on her phone.  
To: Costia: are you free?xxx

She slipped out of the kitchen and made her way to Anya's room. It was small but unmistakably Anya; 80s rock posters and pictures of smiling teens on every wall. Lexa had known Anya most of her life. They'd met when Anya had moved to her pre-school. Their friendship had been cemented when 6 year old Lexa got sick in class, covering Anya's favourite shoes. Both were sent to the head's office to calm down and the friendship had survived their tumultuous teenage years. As she settled down on Anya's bed with the book she'd bought for this exact purpose, her phone pinged.  
From: Costia: no, she's home sorry baby xxx

Lexa sighed and closed her eyes. She could hear laughter drifting down the corridor and the pain in her heart amplified. Some people found all of it easy and whilst Lexa accepted that most of the time, sometimes it was just hard. She couldn't wait to go home.


	2. Chapter 2

The first term at uni flew by for Clarke, and 6 weeks after having Anya's friends visit, Clarke and Raven found themselves loading weekend bags into Raven's car to head to Anya's home town. It was the end of term and most people were heading home for Christmas. As much as Clarke loved her family, she was keen to prolong the freedom uni had given her and so had readily agreed to the suggestion to spend the first few days of the holiday with Gustus and Anya. They were going to celebrate Anya's birthday and there was a big night out planned. Finn hadn't been keen, opting instead to stay behind to work a few extra shifts and enjoy the empty house. Octavia and Bellamy had family across town from Gustus and so would be joining them once they'd arrived. 

A 150 mile drive later, the group sat in Gustus' den, a converted shed with a dart board, xbox and several sofas and an impressive shelf of spirits with a vat of home-brewed beer at the end.  
"Who else is coming Gus?" asked Clarke, trying to get a feel for what was going to happen throughout the evening.  
"Has O text you? Her and Bell live down the road so won't be long" Clarke smiled at Anya's reassurance, Gustus was deep in concentration measuring a round of drinks. "Some of Gustus' lad friends will be here soon, they're all right but look out for them getting you drinks!" Anya rolled her eyes, "And do you remember the people who visited last month? Lexa and Indra. They will meet us out, too crowded here for Lex" Clarke considered the relatively small group in the large space and was confused as to how it would be crowded. She didn't have time to ask though as Gustus' phone chimed to signal Octavia's arrival and chaos ensued. The card games and random pints of mystery, mixed alcohol left them all with a pleasant buzz, but Gustus' friends' insistence on more obscure mixtures and more ridiculous games made Clarke unsure they'd even make it out on the town.

After the evening had darkened and the winter chill properly set in, Clarke stood outside a shabby looking student bar, brandishing a bleeding hand to a lithe brunette and her less than amused looking friend as they climbed from their taxi. "Clarke" nodded Indra as Lexa stood behind her dumbfounded. She had expected a moment before entering the bar to brace herself for interaction. Luckily, Octavia came over to pull Clarke away to get cleaned up and Lexa let out a breath, following Indra into the pub and straight to the bar. It was a favourite of her's, tucked out of the way enough that it was never particularly full and there was a pool table and old quiz machine which the friends often occupied. It also served an interesting specialty: a pint of cider, beer and 3 different spirits topped off with juice and lemonade. The fizzy orange mixture may look and sound disgusting but it tasted delicious and had been Lexa's downfall on many evenings. Downing the two shots of sambuca placed before her for courage and taking a tentative first sip from her pint glass, Lexa surveyed the room and adjusted to the new surroundings. 

"Hey Lex, was worried you wouldn't show! You really missed out at prinks. Watching this lot tackle the home brew was hilarious." Gustus grinned, the alcohol leaving his cheeks a sweaty pink and his unruly hair even more untidy.  
"So it would seem. Den still standing?"  
Lexa caught sight of the birthday girl propping up Raven in the booth by the pool table, empty pint glasses littering the table.  
"Not that bad! Just played a few card games with the brew, of course Clarke and Raven couldn't handle it, but I expected better from O, she's meant to be one of us!" Across the room, Lexa saw Indra forcibly removing Gus' friends from the quiz machine before taking their place and smiled. Watching her friends back in the bar like they'd always been made it easy to forget anything was changing at all.

"Hey..." a noise next to her brought Lexa out of her thoughts to the girl standing awkwardly beside her.  
"Hello Clarke" replied Lexa stiffly, she shot a pleading look towards Gustus who grinned again before turning his back and heading over to Indra.  
"So..." Lexa continued, willing the alcohol to make it easier to vocalise all the witty conversation which usually resisted escape. "You manage to save your hand?"  
Clarke laughed and looked down, slightly embarrassed at the awful impressed she'd made.  
"Shut up!" She paused, "Actually don't, it's nice to know you do actually speak"  
"I'm perfectly articulate when the need takes me, you obviously weren't deemed worthy the last time we met." Lexa could feel the alcohol in her legs and cheeks now and the confidence it brought was always welcome. Particularly welcome was the look of pure surprise on Clarke's face. "I think I'm going to like you drunk Lexa" she drawled, but before Lexa could reply (or combust) her phone buzzed in her hand. The flash of Costia's name across the top of the screen was enough to pull Lexa's attention and paint a dopey grin on her face.

"Costia?" Gustus' gruff voice interrupted,  nodding towards the phone in Lexa's hand. Lexa gave a sharp nod, knowing getting drawn into conversation with her friends about Costia is a mistake. She was only grateful it wasn't Anya calling her out on the relationship. Gustus may not approve but he was certainly the lesser of evils in vocalising that. "Just be careful. You're the only one who'll end up getting hurt waiting for her" He disappeared again after placing a large hand supportively on Lexa's forearm, leaving her once again alone with Clarke. Anya caught Lexa's eye across the bar, smiling an encouraging smile before returning to referee whatever weird, and loud, context Octavia and Raven were locked in. "Okay I don't know much of what just happened, but from what I've heard you have a messy history with this girl?" Clarke couldn't help but pry a little in her drunken state.  
"Everything is dramatic when you're a teenager isn't it though? Gus just doesn't understand the idea of committing to someone who can't make the same commitment" shrugged Lexa like it was the easiest thing in the world and Clarke forced away the realisation that this was the most she'd heard that lilting voice to attempt to focus on the words.

"So you" she emphasised the you like it was impossible to believe, "are waiting for a girl...entirely faithfully?" The look of pure confusion Clarke knew she had on her face made her feel a bit bad but she simply couldn't reconcile the notion with the person Anya described.  
"It's complicated" replied Lexa, not 100% sure she'd even been asked a question "I'm not anywhere near as bad as whatever anyone has told you, I swear."  
Clarke raised her brow in challenge and Lexa couldn't help but chuckle, "You really wanna know?"

As it transpired, Lexa's tale of Costia took near enough an hour to share. Clarke thought it would have been quicker if they'd just stuck to a pint during it, but apparently tales of heartbreak needed to be accompanied by shots. Clarke's mind had wandered to the fact they'd spent all that time engaged only in one another when she realised Lexa was looking at her awaiting her verdict. "Um right, okay, you're waiting for your first love, who cheated on you with the woman she now lives with, to finish her college course and move out, so you can make your long distance relationship, which you've been carrying on without the new woman's knowledge for a few months, official?" Lexa nodded her head enthusiastically and Clarke couldn't help but let out a bark of laughter.  
"Wow. Somethings are still dramatic when you're not a teenager! You're crazy, and that girl is playing you."  
Clarke saw Lexa's brow furrow and worried that her honesty might have been a little too brutal. Lexa flushed, and looked down into the bottle she was drinking from, "I suck without her. I've tried and it was shit" Clarke felt bad. She hadn't expected such a deep, drunk conversation. "I'm in love and it's absolutely going to happen that way in June when her exams are done. You'd do the same for Finn, you're in love with him right?"

It was Clarke's turn to look uncomfortable and Lexa decided to turn the tables and grill a little.  
"What is love anyway? We're great, we're...comfortable"  
"Tell me you're in love and I'll accept your criticism of my relationship choices."  
"It's complicated," smirked Clarke, pleased she'd been able to use Lexa's own words against her.  
Lexa rolled her eyes and ordered two more pints. "We've got time before anyone even remembers we're still here" she said, gesturing around the room and their group of friends who were all lost in their own conversations and games. 

Clarke's tale took a little less time, probably due to the absence of shots. Still, 20 minutes passed in which the two were lost in eachother once more, completely oblivious to the increasingly rowdy group around them. "Comfortable isn't love Clarke," offered Lexa solemnly when Clarke had shared all she was willing to. "You're young, do something fuelled by passion, not by comfort."  
Clarke raised her newly refilled glass in Lexa's direction, glancing dubiously at the green and cream coloured contents Lexa had assured her were delicious together.  
"To no judgement" she proclaimed seeing it off as Lexa did the same. The liquid was actually pleasant, sweet and minty, and Clarke couldn't help but grin back at Lexa's proud looking face. Before either could say any more, Anya swept over to them. "You two finished eye-fucking? We've been trying to move everyone along for ages now."

Even as Anya dragged them from venue to venue, Clarke and Lexa seemed to gravitate to one another. Lexa insisted on getting Clarke to try all the most ridiculous shooters offered by each of the bars, and buoyed by this Clarke enjoyed screaming the lyrics of whatever top 40 song was playing at Lexa. The dynamic was easy. Lexa felt relaxed and the conversation flowed, Clarke not standing for any of her usual shit and being funny and forthcoming.

When the group found themselves huddled beneath a vent, finishing off the breakfast baps from the burger van at 5am, Lexa was almost sad the evening was over. Anya wrapped her arms tightly around the slightly shorter girl, "I'm glad you came Lex, let me know our plans over Christmas okay?" Lexa smiled back at her brightly before turning and leading Indra and some of the boys into a cab, watching as Anya rounded up her uni friends to take back to hers. Clarke looked up and smiled as the cab pulled away, although neither had felt the need to say goodbye in front of the curious gazes of their friends.

It was getting light as Lexa was dropped off outside her house, but nevertheless she moved quietly through the kitchen to grab water and painkillers for the morning. As she slipped into bed, she reached to check her phone. She smiled when she saw the Facebook notification: a friend request. From Clarke Griffin. She hurried to accept it and tucked the phone under her pillow, allowing sleep to draw her in.


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke slammed her book shut and rocked back in the chair. She hated exams, it was always so stressful and despite everyone thinking she was strong and together, Clarke really didn’t deal with stress well. “Hey…” came a voice from the door way and Clarke looked up to see Bellamy stood there, two mugs in his hands, “Need a break?”

Clarke smiled and reached out to take the mug offered to her, before joining Bellamy on the bed. “Thanks for letting me work here Bell, I really don’t fancy being alone right now, and I’m so much less likely to run into Finn here.” In truth Clarke hadn’t done any work in weeks, despite hiding out at Bellamy’s. Beyond the chocolates and junk he had force fed her, and the long tearful showers she’d taken in her own flat, Clarke hadn’t really done anything for 10 days now. “No worries Griff, how many more exams?”

“Two, then I’m going out to drink heavily with you guys, and then I’m going home. My parents will be back by then and I won’t need to bother Wells anymore.” Wells was Clarke’s closest friend. They’d been pretty inseparable through school and he’d always been supportive. She smiled sadly, thinking of the frantic call she’d made to him 10 evenings ago, knowing she couldn’t stay anywhere near Finn, but being unable to contact her parents who had gone away on holiday. When Wells had driven to her rescue, he’d found Clarke utterly devastated. Nonetheless he’d scooped her up and brought her home and fed her pizzas and ice cream and other clichés until she’d insisted she’d overstayed her welcome and had him drop her back to her flat. 

It was finals fortnight and Clarke had had to make a playlist to even generate enough motivation to leave her bed each morning. Even when she was hiding at Bellamy’s or napping with O and Raven (after she’d checked Finn would be nowhere near), she just felt sad. When she really considered it, she wasn’t really sure what she was sad about: her relationship ending or her not being the one to end it. Finn was a dick. That had become apparent more and more often in the last couple of months and her instincts had told her that something wasn’t right between them. She’d opted to ignore it though, refusing to believe that anything could really ruin their perfect childhood sweethearts’ story and rationalising that his increased desire to spend time at work, even when he didn’t have a shift, was his way of adapting to their new lives at uni. She couldn’t blame the girl, Finn was charming, and persuasive when he wanted to be, but it was the fact that they’d met and even had lunch together a few times whilst Finn had been working that made it feel like a betrayal by both of them. She didn’t even have the energy to shout when they’d told her, she’d just numbly accepted it and left, only breaking down and calling Wells from the safety of her own room. Everything since felt like an out of body experience, the world moving along without her really being a part of it. She couldn’t help but wonder if she’d feel this broken forever.

Lexa loved Costia with all her being. It was a compelling force that drew them to one another, not the reluctant obligation Lexa had found many of her other relationships to revolve around. Costia was like fire, consuming everything in her path, but Lexa was more than willing to give herself over to the flames. It was May, and their rekindled relationship had been going for a little under 8 months. They hadn’t spent much time together as the logistics were complex, but Lexa had managed a long weekend in February which is when they’d exchanged gifts, although every time she’d tried to plan something since Costia had bemoaned the difficulties and swiftly changed the subject. The evenings were finally bright enough, and warm enough, to make the most of, and, with most of her friends studying for uni exams, Lexa was spending most of her free time with Indra, who’d avoided prolonged academia by getting a job. The silence from her friends had been echoed by Costia, who had been silent for a few days, despite Lexa sending the usual texts updating her on her day. She knew she shouldn’t overthink it, the situation was a complex one and the nature of their relationship meant not being able to text was always a possibility. She had just pulled up outside Indra’s when Costia’s name popped up on her phone screen, the message underneath leaving no room for doubt.

From: Costia: I’m staying with Nia, I’m sorry.

Lexa lowered her head to the steering wheel and let sobs shake her whole body.

After fifteen or so minutes, a knock on the glass by her head caused Lexa to jump and she quickly wiped her eyes and schooled her features to scowl at whoever had disturbed her. “You did not tell me you were here Lexa” stated Indra plainly as she climbed into the passenger seat. When she received no response, she glanced at the driver and was shocked to notice the puffy eyes staring blankly ahead. “What happened?” she asked, but really she knew. It’d been obvious to everyone who cared for Lexa that Costia’s return would only end in heartbreak and she was desperate to stop Lexa spiralling. She couldn’t help her protectiveness towards the girl, she may present a strong front, but Indra knew she was still the same kid who’d spent every lunch break in the quiet solitude of the library because no one wanted to be friends with the school ‘freak’. In truth, Indra’s concern was borne as much out of guilt for abandoning her when she’d been alone and bullied through her early teens as much as anything. Lexa was strong and used to dealing with things on her own, and whilst Indra was fully aware of that strength, the image of Lexa completely hollow after the last time Costia broke her heart made her urge to protect the girl even more fierce. 

All Lexa wanted to do was give in to the need for destruction she could feel rising within her. She needed to drive, fast, and blast something loud through her speakers. It was dangerous, and probably stupid, but it was far better than the alcohol she’d all but replaced her blood with the last time she’d been broken. Not wanting to drag Indra into whatever stupid activity she’d bury herself in, Lexa settled on hiding out in the greasy 24-hour mock diner they frequented. They’d spent many restless evenings there, drowning in the 80s pop on the numerous televisions attached to the walls or ordering early morning fry ups to ward off impending hangovers. As they sat, each nursing a pint of strong tea, neither spoke, content just to be and to think – Indra wasn’t one to waste words and making small talk seemed even harder to Lexa now, with her mind so unfocussed, than it had previously. They packed up a few hours later, Lexa returned Indra home and received a strong hand on her shoulder in comfort and solidarity. She went for that drive, hurtling through deserted country lanes with emotions pouring out of her so that when she returned home at 2am, she only had the energy to crawl into bed and hope her mind would be kind. She wasn’t that lucky, every thought instead screaming that she was broken. Again.

XXX

As desperate spring months rolled into summer, Lexa remained withdrawn. She had thrown herself into everything and nothing; leading the girl’s football team to league victory, but meandering through her studies once again. She spent her time with the wrong people, drinking, and indulging in questionable liaisons. Indra tried to support her, working with her and accompanying her on nights out to limit the damage, but it was to no avail. Even Anya and Gustus coming home for the summer did little to slow her path of self-destruction, simply bolstering the numbers willing to join what became regular drinking sessions. With no focus, and nothing to focus her until uni began in October, Lexa was in limbo, counting down until she was able to get away.

As soon as Clarke was in the air, she knew her summer was going to be magical. Yes, she would be with a group of people she barely knew thousands of miles from home and she’d only see her family for a fortnight at the end of the summer, but it would undoubtedly be the experience of a lifetime. She spent the four month break from uni working at Disney, soaking up the Florida sunshine and making some of the best memories with a group of amazingly supportive people. She knew that going home and moving into the 9 person house share they’d managed to secure, 9 people who included Finn, would be shit, but as she squealed through rides and gave princess makeovers to wide-eyed little girls, she just couldn’t find it within herself to care. She’d been with Finn since they were both naïve teenagers and whilst they’d had that gross puppy love, now Clarke could enjoy her freedom and have all the crazy teenage experiences she’d missed. Seeing Finn, and living with him, would suck, but she knew she’d get through it, and when she struggled, her ridiculous new friends would have her back. As it turned out Monty and Jasper only lived a few streets away and went to the same uni, and they were more than willing to offer Clarke their sofa whenever everything else got too intense. The break-up had been awful, but she was totally ready to live her life.


	4. Chapter 4

Lexa liked uni. She did not like the majority of the people there. But, to her surprise, she actually liked uni. She’d bonded with the boy in the room next to hers, Roan, as they’d moved in and they’d pretty much been inseparable since. He didn’t push her to talk or expect anything from their interactions and was content to just leave her be when she didn’t come out of her room for whole days at a time. He pushed her to expand only where necessary, taking her to parties but never leaving her side and drawing her in to conversations when others would leave her out. He was a good guy and Lexa particularly enjoyed the many hours they spent in companionable silence battling on the xbox. She struggled slightly more with the whole 300 people in one room for a lecture thing, resulting in her never going, but disciplined herself when it came to working on what she missed in class. In reality, the set up suited Lexa’s personality perfectly, even if she dreaded the inevitable group projects on the horizon. Her initial nervousness and the panicked phone calls to Indra, when things were too much or there were too many new people Lexa could not bring herself to say things to, subsided fairly quickly. Everything was going so well, in fact, that Lexa was almost sad she’d agreed to spend 6 days with Anya over Halloween weekend. She had an interview on the Wednesday, 15 minutes away from Anya’s house, she hadn’t seen Anya since August, and Indra would be joining them on the Friday for the weekend, so extending the stay made sense, and being around friends at a house party was much more Lexa’s thing than following Roan and his friends to a club. 

XXX

Anya was a med student, and that meant her workload was nuts, as she often liked to remind Lexa and anyone who would listen. When Lexa arrived at Anya’s run down student house early Tuesday evening all Anya wanted to do was order pizza and watch TV. This was something her housemates quickly decided they could go for too, so Lexa found herself on one of the three sofas in the lounge, with Anya, Gus, Clarke, Octavia and Raven spread in various positions around her, eating pizza and watching re-runs of the Big Bang Theory. It was surprisingly nice. And then Finn came in. Lexa noticed Clarke visibly tense as he addressed the room.

“Hey guys, could any of you grab an essay for me tomorrow? I’ve got that Disney interview day.”

“Oh right yeah, Lex, Finn’s on the same interview day as you tomorrow so go together in the morning. It’s only a 10 minute walk if you know your way.” Lexa looked at Anya incredulously, was she really suggesting she rely on this guy with his stupid hair and smug face? Nevertheless, Anya fixed her with a glare and Lexa nodded and mumbled a thanks. “I’ll get your essay, ok?” continued Anya, shooting the same glare at Finn, who nodded before stalking out of the room. 

“Well there won’t be anything more entertaining than that on TV tonight, so I’m out.” Said Raven, standing with a grin and a quick wave. She left the room with Octavia in tow, both shouting night as they moved off to their respective rooms.

The four continued flicking through the mindless drivel on the tele, Anya in control of course, and chatting idly about nothing and everything, until something on the TV guide on screen caught Lexa’s eye. “Yes Anya. The latest episode of Once Upon a Time, finally something worth actually watching” she exclaimed excitedly, sitting forwards. Clarke noted the contrast to the reserved girl who had spent most of the evening lounged as far back in sofa as possible, almost as if she hoped it would swallow her up.

“No chance Lex. It’s shit. And you know it. You’re just clinging onto false hope for a storyline that isn’t going to happen” replied Anya, feigning annoyance. “And it’s bed time. You need to do well tomorrow.” Lexa huffed next to her and looked around the room pleadingly, playing on her exasperated expression when she saw the amusement it was causing Clarke.

Gustus chuckled. “I’m staying out of this guys, good night and good luck tomorrow Lex.” He reached over and pulled her into a bone crushing hug, stubble tickling her cheek as he pulled away. 

“Mother hen here is exactly why I have a TV in my room” added Clarke cheekily, and Anya rolled her eyes, “Looks like I’ll be watching OUAT, and providing you with my thoughts on everything wrong with it tomorrow.” She smirked and retreated out of the room.

“No spoilers Clarke!” called Lexa to her disappearing back and Anya rolled her eyes so hard it must have been painful.

Clarke shut the door to her room and quickly turned her tele to the channel they’d been about to watch in the lounge. Sure enough they were about 5 minutes into the episode and Clarke had literally no idea what was happening. She’d watched the first season, but season two had bored her and she’d stopped watching half way through. Apparently she was now the kind of girl who watched a show simply to engineer a conversation with her housemate’s intriguing best friend. Another 5 minutes passed and Clarke found herself rapidly losing interest. She decided the only way to make it more interesting would be to text the whole way through the episode, so she pulled out her phone and opened up a chat.

Anya led Lexa up the stairs and into a small room with sleek wooden flooring. It was completely different to the rest of the dated house. “I got first dibs” explained Anya in response to Lexa’s silent question, and Lexa zoned out briefly thinking about all the threats (or acts) of physical violence that must have occurred for Anya to get this room. Anya’s text tone snapped her out of the unpleasant imagery. “It’s for you” stated Anya, surprise evident, “Tell Lexa OUAT is ridiculous and she shouldn’t indulge this ridiculous queerbaiting.”

Lexa couldn’t help but smile, “Tell Clarke SwanQueen will be real. No matter what the writers do.”

Anya sighed, all too aware of Lexa’s insane passion for this subject, and angrily typed the message. She gathered her things and went to the bathroom to change. Lexa appreciated little gestures like that, things like changing in front of people were insanely awkward and even though they’d known each other for three quarters of their lives, the thought still made her unbelievably uncomfortable. 

As Anya returned her phone sounded again, and Lexa couldn’t do anything to stop the surge of butterflies she felt at the prospect of another message from Clarke. “Tell Lexa, queerbaiting is a tragically overused ploy in modern television. Also Hook is a dick”

Lexa grinned, “Tell Clarke…”

“Fuck sake Lex. Tell her yourself!” huffed Anya, lobbing the phone at a slightly startled looking Lexa. 

Lexa grabbed the phone that had landed alarmingly close to her face and opened up the chat, she quickly added Clarke’s number to her phone and opened up a message thread.

To: Clarke: Hook IS a dick, but most of the guys are. They seem to think bromance and mansplaining is what will actually save them all.

Clarke opened up her phone as it sounded, excited to see if Anya would have typed another message from Lexa and hoping that she wouldn’t just tell her to fuck off. Anya’s patience only lasted so long. She was surprised, and slightly disappointed, to see the unknown number at the top of the screen, but that quickly bubbled into something else as she caught the first few words and scrambled to unlock her phone. She quickly saved the number and set about composing a suitably witty response.

To: Lexa: Who is this?! :p Seriously though, you’re right. This show is awful. What happened to the badass females from season one?

Lexa smiled as her phone vibrated with Clarke’s response. “Ugh Lex, bed time! You have an interview tomorrow, I have horrible lectures and your phone is insanely annoying!” Anya huffed loudly, thrashing around on the bed to emphasise her point. Lexa sheepishly typed a quick response and wriggled into her sleeping bag. “So…” said Anya mischievously, and Lexa gave her a shove. They stayed awake for another half an hour, catching up and talking about all the things too private to share in the lounge. Lexa was unusually uneasy in a different bed, but sleep found her quickly, and she drifted off with a relaxed smile on her face. 

Clarke had washed her face and brushed her teeth, the TV show long forgotten. When she crawled into bed she couldn’t help but check her phone one last time. 

From: Lexa: Regina deserves better :( Try not to love the show too much. Good night, Clarke :)

Clarke smiled and quickly typed her own response.

To: Lexa: Good night and good luck tomorrow x

She plugged her phone in to charge and burrowed down into her duvet, grinning at the evening’s events and letting sleep claim her quickly.

XXX

Lexa woke up to her alarm making her pillow vibrate, and quickly slipped out of the sleeping bag and into the suit she’d brought with her. Anya had been up and gone nearly an hour previously so Lexa made her way downstairs to the kitchen. She’d brought her own bread with her for breakfast, asking people for things wasn’t exactly her strong suit, even though Anya wouldn’t really care what she did. She made her toast and took a bottle of juice from her bag, deciding to sit in the lounge as this would be the best place to meet Finn before heading to the interview. 

The interview started at 9am, and, as it neared 8.30am, Lexa became anxious. When she heard the front door open and shut, she briefly wondered if Finn would have left without her, but quickly pushed that aside as a silly creation of her anxiety. At 9am, Lexa allowed herself to feel annoyed. Then she felt panicked. How humiliating would it be to admit that Finn abandoned her so she’d just sat there because she had no idea where she was going? Would anyone believe Finn had abandoned her? She was released from her spiral by Octavia flopping onto the opposite sofa. “I thought you had a thing?” she asked, and then, undeterred by Lexa’s non-committal shrug, “They talk about you a lot you know. You’re like their idol.” Lexa flushed and looked away. “Anyway, since you’re hanging out here today, what shall we watch? Gustus is off so he’ll be down soon.” Lexa relaxed as it seemed Octavia was content to sit in silence with old Super Nanny and Wife Swap episodes playing back to back. About half way through the first one she looked up and considered Lexa for a moment “Nice suit by the way” she smirked, returning her attention to the text book she had open in her lap.

No one really pushed as to why Lexa was not at her interview day until Anya came home late afternoon. She was utterly baffled as to what had happened and no matter how many times Lexa said she just ‘wasn’t feeling it’, she could not let it go. It was only when Finn came home that discussion of the day ceased, and he entered and exited quickly, not making eye contact with anyone in the room. Clarke noticed, and thought he was being weird, but before she even had chance to think about mentioning it Lexa stood and announced that she’d be driving home now and returning with Indra on Friday evening. Clarke watched Lexa wave off Gus’ protests and gather her stuff. She seemed to want to put as much space between herself and the house as possible and Clarke couldn’t help but have a bad feeling about it. She felt so bad about it, that about an hour and a half after Lexa had left she found herself finally hitting send on a message she’d spent 40 minutes drafting.

To: Lexa: Drive safe. You know you really could’ve just stayed, right?x

Clarke tried not to give too much thought as to why she wanted Lexa to stay. She couldn’t argue that the girl was nice to talk to and they seemed to get along well, but beyond that she’d enjoyed the distraction. She loved her housemates, but they loved Finn too and they didn’t have to avoid him like she felt the need to. As much as Octavia and Raven took her side, they still included Finn in social events or take out evenings and they’d even befriended his new girlfriend. To be fair, she was a nice girl, but for the fact she was too smiley and too eager to please, even promising Harry Potter pumpkins for the Halloween party. Clarke hoped having visitors would be distracting enough throughout that ordeal. Her phone chimed next to her and she opened it, instantly remembering why distractions were great.

From: Lexa: Thanks, Clarke. I am a more than capable driver. I did not feel like imposing any longer. Take care.


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke quickly discovered that for someone who didn’t speak much in the company of others, Lexa was surprisingly chatty via text. They managed to text back and forth near constantly over the next two days, and Clarke wasn’t even that embarrassed that she’d started the first conversation with something so trivial she was sure Lexa knew it was just an excuse to message her.

From: Clarke: So my landlord just knocked on my door whilst holding a massive axe xx

Lexa opened the message and looked at her phone, slightly baffled and half convinced it was a mistake. When no apology message followed in the next half an hour, Lexa decided to reply, tentatively typing something generic about how pleasant he sounded and how it was too early for Halloween costumes. And that was how it began, Lexa lapping up every message Clarke sent, spending hours grinning at her phone, and pouting when a message didn’t come quick enough. She was aware the development was probably strange, and she wondered if Clarke would have told Anya about it, and what Anya would think.

It was this worry that led to Lexa, lying in bed next to Anya with Indra on the floor, on the Friday of the Halloween weekend, blurting out quite suddenly, “Clarke and I have been texting non-stop for two days.” Anya let out a loud bark of laughter next to her and even Indra seemed to be chuckling on the floor. “Raven did say you were an easy target Lex” replied Anya gleefully, opening up her phone to no doubt keep the girl in question in the loop regarding these developments. 

“An easy target?!” spluttered Lexa, flushing as the fear this new found friendship was all an elaborate ruse hit her hard. “What does that even mean?”

“It means Clarke’s been…wild, since Finn, and she likes the attention. And you, dearest friend, like to give pretty girls attention. Just don’t cause any trouble, I’m sure it’ll blow over.” Lexa flushed again, slightly incensed at Anya’s refusal to acknowledge that this may actually be something deeper than attention, and more incensed at the insinuation she was only going to cause trouble. 

“She’s nice Anya!” exclaimed Lexa, louder than intended as she surprised herself with the sudden need to defend Clarke. “And she text me first, and,” Lexa floundered slightly as she searched for a third point, “and it would be rude not to reply to someone when they need someone to talk to!”

“Sure it would Lex” sighed Anya definitively, “That’s why you take hours to reply to me sometimes.” She grinned triumphantly before rolling over and burrowing down into the duvet. It was an effective way of ending a conversation that Anya had been using since they were kids. It also meant Lexa had lost the argument. 

 

XXX

 

Clarke liked fancy dress parties, but this one felt like it carried an insane amount of pressure. She had spent a good few days deciding on something equal parts hot and intimidating, and pretending she was totally fine with Finn’s girlfriend joining them for the party. In the end she’d opted for some form of slutty leopard costume, complete with fierce make-up and adorable ears. Her nerves meant she was the first ready for the evening and so she claimed the best sofa in the lounge, the corner one, from which she could see everything happening and would be able to make an escape if needed. She’d just polished off her bottle of wine when Anya dragged Lexa and Indra into the room and deposited them on the opposite sofa. It was pretty clear neither of them were particularly a) comfortable or b) happy, as they flopped down with much more force than necessary. 

As she flopped onto the gaudy green sofa that occupied one side of the lounge, Lexa couldn’t help but mumble under her breath about the ridiculousness of having to dress up in a ‘stupid sheet’. She had hoped to avoid the whole costume thing, but Anya had insisted. Forcibly. Octavia had quickly turned out a white sheet for her and, after adding some eye and breathing holes, they’d turned Lexa into a ‘ghost’. Needless to say she looked more like a comical emoji ghost as opposed to a terrifying spectre, but it shut Anya up (as much as anyone ever does shut Anya up), and that counted for something. And she’d certainly come off much lighter than Indra, who was sporting a pair of novelty boxer shorts, with the word ‘boom’ in cartoonish print, over her tights. The outfit, topped off with the terrifying scowl on Indra’s face, made her look like the most reluctant superhero ever, and if Lexa weren’t so disappointed with her own costume, she’d probably be amused. As Gus and Raven entered the lounge, taking in their finished costumes and smiley faces, they couldn’t hold in their laughter, or mockery, and Lexa reached for the large bottle of rum she’d brought with her. It was going to be a long night.  
 

XXX

 

Two hours, and half a bottle of rum, later, Lexa was enjoying herself. Her costume was ridiculous, and had drawn way too much attention for her to be truly comfortable with, but everyone was dressed up and it would have been worse had she not been. She was enjoying watching her friends letting loose as their inebriation increased. She’d forgotten just how warm and welcoming Gus truly was and seeing him flit effortlessly between groups as he smiled and offered drinks made her proud that he’d stopped being the over-sized awkward boy the whole school had known for his giant beard more than his caring personality. 

The next time Lexa filled her drink, the house was quiet, everyone having crammed out into the small courtyard with the promise of grilled food and sparklers. She sat back on the sofa to enjoy the peace and absent-mindedly picked up an orange balloon, bouncing it up and down on the back of her hand. The sofa dipping beside her startled her so that she grabbed at the balloon, long, slender fingers creating a high-pitched squeak as they scraped along it, looking for purchase. “Ewwwwwwwwww…stop that noise Lexiiiiieeeeeee” whined a drunken voice next to her. 

“Or what Clarke?” replied Lexa, surprised at the ease at which such a flirtatious response came to her.

When Clarke only glared at her, Lexa couldn’t help but drag her fingers down the balloon again, eliciting the same ear-splitting sound. With speed even Clarke didn’t know she’d possess in her current state, she flung herself at Lexa, attempting to remove the balloon, which Lexa just moved further away, using their height difference to its full advantage. “Very mature Lex. I’m making you give me that balloon though.”

“Come and get it” teased Lexa, smirk firmly across her face and an unusually girly giggle escaping her throat as Clarke lunged again, intent on doing as told. 

The action caused their bodies to press impossibly close, Clarke across the top of Lexa on the ugly green sofa, hands stretched out for a balloon which now lay discarded on the floor. Clarke could see all of the greens in Lexa’s eyes, the wide drunken pupils searching her face mirroring Clarke’s own actions, legs tangled as their eyes locked and both exhaled a shaky breath as they prepared to give in to what they knew was coming next.

Only it never came. Instead, there was a strong hand on Clarke’s back as she heard Gus clear his throat. “Can we have a chat in the kitchen Lex?” he asked, manoeuvring Clarke out of the way and placing his strong grip around Lexa’s shoulder. “Now.” Lexa stood up and dumbly followed, or was led, she wasn’t sure. Gus herded a few small groups out of the kitchen and stood opposite Lexa, towering over her and looking at her with a solemn face. “Not a good idea, Lex. She’s been really hurt recently, she doesn’t deserve anymore trauma.” Lexa found herself dropping her head, ashamed, as Gus’ words washed over her. “Just let it be. We’ve got to live with her and this house can’t take anymore awkwardness.” He finished, and Lexa looked up at him again. Surveying his face, she found only kindness, despite the acerbic words. She knew she wasn’t good enough for love and Gus’ words only solidified that. She hadn’t been good enough for Costia, for her parents, for all of the people who’d sought to make every day at school hell. There was little she could do but accept her friend’s words, he did not do it to be unkind, but to protect both her and Clarke from the inevitable hurt that followed Lexa everywhere. She offered him a brief nod, not trusting her words, and let him pull her into a bone-crushing hug. “Let’s get you a drink.”

As Lexa was pulled away, Clarke had panicked. Gustus was definitely telling her what a state Clarke was and that she should stay clear. What had she been thinking? She’d just started talking to this girl and it was great. She loved their banter, the challenge Lexa’s intelligence presented, and she enjoyed the surge of excitement each new message heralded. But Anya and Gustus were Lexa’s closest friends, of course they wouldn’t want her anywhere near Clarke, and she had to live with them. It would be awkward. Maybe Gus had done her a favour, ruined it before she managed to herself. Lexa wouldn’t look twice at her now, and that was okay too, right? Why had she anyway? From what she’d heard everyone loved her and Clarke could see why, the way she carried herself, despite her obvious discomfort amongst people, was captivating. And her intelligence was just so enticing. The sound of chatter as people filled the lounge again pulled her from her reverie. She let herself get pulled in to Octavia’s maniacal laughter as she palmed Bellamy off onto Raven for the evening, skipping away to find someone more interesting to pass her time with. “You okay Griff?” asked Bellamy, his concern for Octavia had easily spread to Clarke after the Finn nightmare. She offered him a distracted nod as she caught sight of Lexa leaving the kitchen with Gus. Despite her fear of what had been said, she couldn’t help but unlock her phone, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth as she typed a message.

To: Lexa: Been sufficiently told off by Papa Gus? There’s a spare sofa in my room if you’re in the doghouse ;) xx

 

She tried not to feel sad as the evening progressed and no reply was forthcoming. She forced herself to stay smiling even when she found crossing paths with Lexa to be impossible, despite the party only really being based across three rooms. Lexa was avoiding her, and only alcohol seemed to numb that particular pain. 

It was nearing midnight when she actually tracked the girl down. Anya was off wrangling a group together to go in to town, Gus and Bellamy enthusiastically backing her up. Octavia, long since forgotten by her usually over-protective big brother, was huddled in the small bathroom at the back of the house, emptying her stomach as a boy from her sports science course rubbed soothing circles on her back. Lexa and Indra were sat on one of the sofas, clearly unsure of where to put themselves, but talking fairly intently with Raven, who seemed to be particularly enraptured by whatever hilarious tale Clarke was sure Lexa was sharing. Clarke’s buzz had well and truly worn off, she was irrationally jealous of all of it, the trio on the sofa, the stupid Harry Potter pumpkins, which had remained a focal point for their guests all evening, all of it. 

“What’s so fucking special about these pumpkins?” she slurred loudly, the dangerous edge to her voice drawing the attention of the room, although none offered her an answer. “They’re just pumpkins” she added, staggering across the room and lofting one into the air. “And she used a fucking stencil” she looked around, rolling her eyes dramatically. “Maybe they’re unbreakable?” she continued mischievously as she dropped the pumpkin she’d raised, a fierce cackle leaving her lips as it smashed on the floor in front of her. “Maybe not” she giggled, “Night guys.”

The group watched her retreating back disappear down the hall and glanced at each other, unsure what had just happened. It was Raven who broke the awkward pause with a loud exhale. “Fuck it. No one saw that right? We can pick it up tomorrow, let’s go to bed. You guys good for everything?” 

Indra and Lexa nodded to each other and then to Raven before heading up over the stairs to Anya’s room. They’d invariably be rudely awoken upon her drunk, and loud, return but they crawled into their respective sleeping positions regardless. As Lexa settled into her sleeping bag, she let the disappointment at the evening’s events wash over her, replaying Gus’ advice, even though she struggled to find it as convincing anymore. 

 

XXX

 

Clarke went to work hungover a lot post Finn. Like more often than someone who is in charge of young children for a living should. When she woke up after Halloween, the house was silent, and Clarke was relieved. It meant no awkward encounters with anyone in the kitchen to exacerbate her pounding headache. She headed straight for the shower, knowing that whilst it was only 6.30am, she had about 45 minutes before she needed to leave to open up the nursery. As she showered her mind wandered to the previous evening, remembering the press of her body against Lexa’s, the bubble of anticipation in her chest as they’d locked eyes, the hellish realisation that Gustus was leading her away and the humiliation of seeing her text go unanswered despite them being in the same house all evening. She tried to remind herself that it was for the best, thought of all the ridiculous tales she’d heard about Lexa the player, but it didn’t quell the need to reach out again, to get close to the Lexa who sent dorky texts about how great TV characters were one minute and then discussed classic literature the next. 

Armed with tea and toast she returned to her room and unlocked her phone. She could recall a conversation earlier in the week when Lexa had enthusiastically described a seminar she’d wanted to attend that would be taking place back at her uni at 10.30am. Clarke knew it was a 2 and a half hour drive away and given that it was now gone 7am she decided to put herself out there one more time, hitting the call button before she could talk herself out of it. 

Lexa woke up to her pillow vibrating, and after quickly ruling out Anya’s snores being the cause, she swiped her hand under it and quickly pulled out her phone, accepting the call before even checking the name. It was a sure sign she was groggy, as she usually preferred to eye her phone suspiciously as it rang, letting it go to answer phone before she harnessed the necessary courage to answer it.

“Hello?” she rasped, instantly cringing at her sleep-encrusted voice and wishing she could hang up and pretend it’d never happened.

“Uh, hi, hey, um” Clarke face-palmed. What the hell was she doing? “It’s Clarke…and it’s uhhh 7am…ish” Clarke paused and Lexa wasn’t sure if that was the end of the conversation. She desperately replayed her memories of the previous evening through to try and recall asking for a wake-up call, deciding that even after a few drinks she wouldn’t have forgotten about something so simple as the alarm function phones offered.

“Anyway I just wanted to let you know about that seminar. At home. That you wanted to go to. You should leave soon” Clarke abruptly trailed off, realising she’d basically just told Lexa to get out and scrambling to correct her choice of words “I mean, I know you really wanted to go to it, so I’m waking you up to give you enough time to get back” she exhaled, barely pausing between words through fear she’d say something crazy again.

“Errrrr right cool thanks that’s great really nice of you thanks” said Lexa, unsure of what to actually say, “Err bye then” she finished, hitting her phone screen to end the call and throwing her head back dramatically. That had not gone well.

Downstairs, Clarke blinked rapidly at her phone as she tried to comprehend the end of the call. Obviously calling had been a terrible idea and Lexa hated her. She let herself start to spiral into embarrassment until her message tone, and the sound of the front door closing, distracted her.

From: Lexa: Thanks, I’m so excited to learn all about the latest developments in French environmental law! Have a good day at work Clarke :) xx

Maybe, everything would be fine after all.


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke swiped around for the source of the noise that had woken her, her hand eventually batting the phone onto the bed where she was able to properly grasp it. She knew it was morning, but she’d hoped for a few more hours sleep before anyone would be inconsiderate enough to text her glad tidings. Opening up the phone to see who the offender was, she had to bite her bottom lip to stop a goofy grin spreading across her face.

From: Lexa: Merry Christmas, Clarke :)

Even though she received daily messages from the other girl, they never failed to put a smile on her face. Clarke was especially glad that they’d managed to move past the Halloween incident without any awkwardness (two people pretending something hasn’t happened definitely prevents awkwardness) and form a comfortable friendship. She quickly set about forming a reply.

To: Lexa: A personalised Christmas message? You know how to make a girl feel special! Have a good one :) xx

She sent the message and then, after an internal debate about whether or not to ‘multiple message’ (Lexa’s absolute pet hate as Clarke had quickly learnt), she typed another.

To: Lexa: PS 6 days til you see meeeeeeeeeeee!

Lexa hadn’t been able to help herself on Christmas morning, when she’d woken up at 6am, she’d had to message Clarke. It was unusual to message her so early in the day, their chats being more of an evening activity, but Lexa figured Christmas was a reasonable exception. Their interactions tended to consist of long, essay-like text messages, read by the other person but then not responded to for a couple of hours. But they talked about everything – art, music, film, literature, drunken conquests which made Lexa feel a strange protectiveness towards the girl that she attributed merely to Gustus’ concerns rubbing off on her. She was startled by her phone chiming twice in quick succession and shook her head with a smirk, stopping Clarke from sending message after message instead of just one long one had been a challenge, and whilst she felt the girl had really been making an effort (the notion of Clarke making an effort especially for her made Lexa’s stomach flip), sometimes her excitement about whatever topic they were discussing got the better of her and Lexa would pick up her phone to see an endless stream of messages, usually ended with a ‘sorry for the multiple messages!’

She reached under her pillow for her phone and smiled as she read Clarke’s excitement for New Year’s. She decided she’d type one final reply before getting up and going about her day.

To: Clarke: Thanks, I’d have no idea when NYE was if it wasn’t for you!

 

XXX

 

New Year’s Eve meant house parties. It was a longstanding tradition amongst Lexa’s friends that New Year would be celebrated at someone’s house as opposed to queuing and overpaying in the many bars and clubs in town. It wasn’t necessarily Lexa’s favourite time of year, the hype far outweighing the reality, but she felt a different kind of thrill at the prospect of the evening ahead of her. Anya text her to say she was on the bus with Gus, Clarke, Raven, Octavia and Bellamy, and Lexa took a deep breath, looking over her simple outfit – jeans and a white shirt – before making her way up the hill to the bus stop. 

The bus pulled up as Lexa got to the stop and she hopped on, paying the driver and carefully peering down the aisle to locate Anya. She heard them before she saw them, spread out at the back of the bus, 5 on the back seat and Clarke in the pair of seats in front of one side. She felt a little panicked as six pairs of eyes turned to look at her and quickly made a mental assessment of her three options. She could sit at the front of the bus and pretend she hadn’t seen them, that saved the potential disaster walking down a moving bus could be, but was probably deemed unbelievably rude; she could sit next to Clarke, but that would mean starting a conversation, in person, sober, and she wasn’t sure they were there yet, and, on top of that, Anya would mock her relentlessly; alternatively, she could just take the pair of seats in front of Bellamy and Gus, across the aisle from Clarke, which Clarke may find rude, but would ultimately save Lexa the most anguish. As she slid into the empty seat after negotiating the moving bus like a pro, she looked up to find a flash of almost hurt crossing Clarke’s face, but it was gone as quickly as it came and Lexa busied herself with her phone, not daring to make eye contact. 

It was only a 10 minute journey to their destination for the evening, a massive student house that 5 guys who were friends with Gus shared. Lexa had been to a few of the parties they seemed to host nearly every weekend and she’d always been impressed by Nyko’s hospitality. He didn’t really mind who was at his parties or what state the place was left in as long as no one ever called the police. It was the perfect place to reunite all of their friends, and add some new ones, after a long term back at uni. 

Although they were amongst the first to arrive at Nyko’s, Clarke wasted no time in pouring herself a drink. She had been kind of glad when Lexa had opted not to take the seat next to her on the bus, she knew that Anya and Raven would have had plenty to say about it, and Clarke hadn’t been quite honest about the frequency of their texts back and forth. It had also hurt more than she expected. The bond she’d quickly formed with Lexa was inexplicable. It just felt like they were drawn to each other, and it was new and exciting and Clarke was looking forward to the prospect of an evening in the other girl’s presence, no doubt in her mind that they’d gravitate towards one another and drown out those around them as seemed to be their ‘thing’ now. 

Sure enough, as she looked around the room, her eyes settled on Lexa, being pulled into awkward hugs by two girls Clarke hadn’t met, before Anya managed to extricate her from their grip and drag her in Clarke’s direction. Anya flopped down onto the sofa beside Clarke as Lexa took a seat on the floor opposite, leant against the heater. “Hey” said Clarke shyly, focus solely on the girl on the floor despite Anya sitting with their thighs touching, a question on the tip of her tongue. 

“Hey” replied Lexa, half grin, half blush breaking out across her face.

“Oh look, someone over there who actually wants to acknowledge my existence” snarked Anya, breaking the moment and sauntering off to talk to Indra.

Clarke took a breath and decided to throw caution to the wind. She saw Lexa once every few months and so what if she wanted to spend that close to the girl. As she abruptly stood from the sofa and slid down the wall to end up next to Lexa, the shy smile she received shut the rest of the world down. Suddenly nothing and nobody else in the room mattered and the two slipped effortlessly back into the bond they’d formed in a run-down student bar over 12 months ago.

“Stay up all night with me?” asked Lexa, breaking the charged atmosphere surrounding the two. She’d surprised herself as the question left her lips, desperate to spend every possible second with the girl next to her, but Clarke’s laughter stopped her worrying.

“Of course, but I bet you fall asleep first!”

“It may be New Year’s Clarke, but I don’t think anything that ridiculous could happen!”

The party carried on around them as more and more people arrived. They were in the room with everyone and answered when spoken to, but they mostly shared their own conversation, back and forth teasing and challenging ensuring they only had eyes for each other.

“DRINKING GAMES” bellowed Gus at one point, enthusiastically roping Lexa and Clarke into the group as he deftly flicked a pack of cards into a circle around a pint glass. He poured some of everyone’s drink into the ‘dirty pint’ in the middle of the circle and looked around at those he’d gathered expectantly. “Take a card, follow my instructions,” he paused to wave a sheet of actions to be completed on finding each card, “Break the circle, down the pint. Questions? No? Good! Lexa, you start.”

Clarke had had a lot of experience of excessive drinking after the break-up, she’d even go so far to say she was good at it. The scar she’d ended up with on her chin after falling out of a taxi one evening did not back up that claim. However, this particular game always ended with her completely wasted. She was not helped by the numerous penalty drinks she was having to take due to being so utterly distracted, and for people who claimed to be her best friends, Raven and Octavia were enjoying watching her get progressively more intoxicated a little too much. She couldn’t help her distraction. Lexa was an enigma and Clarke spent most of her time trying to reconcile all the pieces of information she had about the girl. It was like she was a hundred different people in one. The girl who wouldn’t start a conversation, the girl whose texts about literature were like essays and exuded passion, the girl who had been hurt and broken, and finally the girl in front of her, drunk and commanding the attention of the room, dishing out the instructions and forfeits and being warmly greeted by every newcomer to the party.   
   
“Clarke” shouted Octavia triumphantly, her expression quickly shifting to a frown as she regarded the girl in question across the lounge. “Clarke!” she tried again, with a little more venom and the blonde’s head flicked up from where she’d been intently gazing at Lexa as she spoke to Indra next to them. “Thirsty Clarke?” asked Octavia with a smirk, “I nominate you to drink and one extra as a penalty for not responding.”

Unfortunately, penalty drinks on top of the game meant that Clarke was struggling. She retired from the game and went and curled up on the sofa next to Raven, who had also retired to ensure she saw midnight. “Fuck Rae. I’m so sleepy!” she slurred into her friend’s shoulder before rolling onto her back and closing her eyes.

“Hey, Lexa, come watch this one while I pee, she’s out of it” Raven shouted over the group, attempting once more to cause mischief.

“Uh, Clarke? You good?” Lexa asked nervously as she wondered over, taking in Clarke’s paled face and sunken eyes.

“Yessss Lexiiiieeee” replied Clarke, a sloppy smile stretching across her face, “We should ki…” 

“Oh god, Clarke looks rough guys, we might want to put her in a bed before she passes out completely!” Anya spoke up, amusement replaced by exasperation. “She does this once a week. Out like a light by 10pm. Took her to the hospital the other month ‘cos none of us could rouse her. She lost it, said her mum was a doctor so she didn’t need to be at a hospital. Nightmare.”

“Hey Clarke, come on” cooed Lexa as Anya went off to find Gus, “Let’s sit you up and get you some water.”

“Kisssss meeeeee instead”

Lexa heard what Clarke had said despite the state she was in, eyes shut and sleep slowly taking over her body. She briefly considered doing as she was told. And then realised that that would be awful. Mostly she just felt bad for the girl, she’d known from their texts that she wasn’t doing as well as she wanted her friends to believe and Finn still being a part of their lives meant she didn’t think they were an appropriate outlet. But she’d never told Lexa she was getting blackout drunk on a regular basis. The thought made Lexa’s heart ache and she resolved to be more supportive in the future.

“Shhhhh” said Clarke suddenly, eyes still closed and no one in her vicinity making any noise. “You think too loud but it’s okay ‘cuz” Her head lolled awkwardly to one side and Lexa was glad she would be moved to bed soon. Neck ache would not be a welcome addition to the hideous hangover the blonde would have the next day. “Hmm” continued Clarke, sleep slowly claiming her, “’Cuz love you.”

It was then that her friends decided they’d come and actually help; Bellamy easily scooping Clarke into his arms like he’d had plenty of practice. “End of the corridor man,” said Nyko, waving an arm in the vague direction, “Sure she’s okay?” Anya quickly assuaged his fears and disappeared down the hall after Bellamy. After they’d put Clarke in a bed, with a sick bucket and glass of water to hand, Lexa took stock of the evening’s events. She knew none of what Clarke had said was real and clearly they had more important concerns to discuss if she was going to insist on endangering her health, but Lexa couldn’t help the way the words had stirred something behind her ribs. “Hey An, think I’m gonna go – you know I hate New Years!”

“Sure Lex. That’s what’s suddenly made this party so much less interesting for you!” Anya replied with a laugh, shaking her head as she waved Lexa off. “Don’t think I don’t know Costia is with her grandparents tonight. You’d better not end up there.”

In truth, the only person she had actually wanted to talk to had passed out in bed and Lexa wanted to go home and do the same, as much to avoid getting her hopes up as anything else, but her feet carried her elsewhere and she ended up knocking on an all too familiar door and lighting Chinese lanterns with an all-too familiar family as midnight rolled around. As much stuck in a destructive pattern as the person she’d vowed to support more only hours before.


	7. Chapter 7

Waking up in a strange bed was not new for Clarke. Sadly, nor was not being able to remember the night before, having a pounding headache or the dry stale taste on her tongue. But starting the year in a strange city, in the house with 5 judgemental students and some exasperated friends was the worst. She’d put off going downstairs for as long as she could when she heard Octavia’s laughter and the distinctive sound of Raven climbing the stairs. “Morning guys” she croaked, as they burst into room. 

“Oh hey Clarkeyyyyy…Good night?” beamed Octavia, much too loud and full of mischief.

“Shut up O”

“Yeah O, Clarke had a late night!” added Raven, clearly amused.

“Guys, what the fuck happened? I’m a mess.” Clarke let her head flop into her hands and groaned loudly. “Who else is here?”

“Just us guys and Nyko’s housemates. Anya’s making breakfast”

“No Lexa?” she paused, realising that probably sounded a bit pathetic and added, “Or Indra?”

“Nah she left pretty soon after you…you know” replied Raven, purposely ignoring the second part of Clarke’s question.

“Oh. Okay. That’s cool, hope they had a good night” answered Clarke, faking nonchalance through her horrendous hangover and the more crushing weight of disappointment at wasting the time she could have had staying up with Lexa. 

Lexa woke up to start the New Year in a familiar bed, with a familiar weight against her front and a familiar tinge of sadness in her heart. She didn’t dwell on the reasons behind that, preferring instead to try and savour what should have been a moment of calm and contentment for her. Nonetheless her thoughts wandered to a girl across town, probably feeling horrendous, probably confused about the end of the night, and Lexa couldn’t help but envisage all the other ways the evening could have gone. She knew letting herself go down that rabbit hole would be a sure fire way to open a Pandora’s box of emotions she wasn’t anywhere near ready to consider. The best thing about her friendship with Clarke was the fact that they were both completely able to ignore anything that happened when they were together and slip back into easy conversation and banter, and Lexa wasn’t about to ruin that with a dumb question, the answer to which was, whilst Lexa was laying in Costia’s bed, moot. 

 

XXX

 

When Lexa got off the phone to her new employer she was quickly swept into a hug by Roan. “Well done Lex, knew you could do it! Go tell your girl, she’ll go nuts!” He boomed, a smirk on his face as Lexa swatted at his shoulder. 

“I’m certain you don’t mean Costia” replied Lexa dryly, and Roan grinned. He didn’t much like Costia and found her difficult to get along with. 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about Lex” he grinned again, disappearing out of the room.

From: Lexa: Guess who’s gonna work at Disneyland Paris over Easter/summer?xx

Clarke squealed when she opened the message, she’d assumed that Lexa had given up after the fail that was her attempt to be interviewed when she’d stayed with Anya. Clarke absently wondered whether Lexa had purposely decided to be interviewed in another city to avoid the same thing happening again. She was sure it was Finn’s fault, but they hadn’t discussed it and she didn’t want to bring it up now, when Lexa was clearly on a high.

To: Lexa: That’s amazing – can’t wait to swap Disney cast member stories!xx

 

XXX

Lexa knew moving away for a month at the start of her new-ish relationship with Costia, who had returned to live with her grandparents, was less than ideal. They were in a good place though, finally being able to devote time to each other and spending days and nights tangled up, shut away from the real world. Parting wasn’t easy for her, she had enough bad memories of parting from Costia which would take time to get over, but Costia didn’t seem bothered at all, waving her off with a smile on her face and not replying to any messages Lexa sent her on the train to the airport. It made Lexa chest tighten in a way she wasn’t yet ready to address, but she was soon forced to forget it as she was thrown into work.

Needless to say the first day at work was intense. Lexa was fortunate in that she spoke French fluently, but she had never worked in retail nor been a native speaker and so many of the instructions went completely over her head. It was even more difficult to interact with customers. Lexa’s knowledge that she was utterly terrible at small-talk was reinforced within the first hour and selling add-on products was something that she fared no better at. The reason Lexa had been a good football coach and referee was the fact that it required no back and forth, she set a task and it was completed. Here, she was expected to smile continuously; a fact her managers were clearly already sick of reminding her about. And then there were her co-workers, people from all over Europe united by French, and a love of Disney, which Lexa found herself somewhat short of, given that she’d barely seen any of the animated classics. Add to this the issues with small talk and large groups and it was clear that the month was going to be a bit of a struggle. She flopped onto the bed of her shared room and cautiously opened her laptop, keen to not let the brightness or volume disturb her sleeping roommate.

Logging in to Facebook she saw she had a few messages, but it was as she saw the opening of the message from Costia that she began to feel uneasy. Lexa missed her, of course it wasn’t great to be thousands of miles away from her, but she knew what an opportunity the job was. It just seemed like she wasn’t being missed as much, the message sitting in her inbox would be the first she had received since leaving home 3 days ago.

As Lexa read the message, she struggled to hold back the tears that threatened to spill and wake the other person in the room, whose shift would start in 4 or so hours. Deciding she couldn’t go down without a fight, Lexa scooped up her phone and locked herself in the tiny bathroom, dialling a familiar number and facing the agonising wait for the person on the other end to pick up. Fraught questions and desperate I love yous proved no match to a final ‘there’s someone else’, and Lexa knew she could not change the girl’s mind, knew she’d have to let go of her again. 

Perhaps it was her scrambled state of mind that led to her calling one person she wasn’t sure knew how to have an emotional conversation with. Titus was the parental figure is Lexa’s life. A middle aged, bald man who held her to impossibly high standards and pushed her to focus single-mindedly on her studies, ignoring (or simply not noticing) her considerable social issues and teenage loneliness. His insistence that she become attached to no one, rely on no one, had given her solace post-Costia the first time, although he had not been aware of the true nature of their relationship. His gruff “Hello” was met only with Lexa’s sobs as she struggled to cope with what had happened over the evening and the secret she felt she had been keeping from him all her life. “I need to tell you something” she paused, knowing he would appreciate her getting right to the point, even if it gave her less time to avoid his crushing disappointment, “I’m gay, and Costia just broke up with me.”

“I know Lexa. I have known for years. I’m glad you felt ready to share this. Stay clear of Costia, people will only break your heart if you let them too close. Focus on your job there. It is a fantastic opportunity to have on your CV. Get some rest. Goodnight.”

When he hung up Lexa did not feel any lighter, and so, after the trauma of the past 2 hours, she sent a message to the one person who may be able to cheer her up, and crawled into her bed. Her throat and eyes ached, her cheeks were wet and she was trapped in France, alone except for the strangers she’d met on the bus ride to the dorms and her co-workers who thought she was an anti-social freak.

Clarke was excited to share her Disney experiences with Lexa, but also knew how crazy the first few days on site were: getting your accommodation, meeting people, going through training and induction and finally starting work. She hadn’t received a message since the one she’d forced Lexa to promise to send to say she’d arrived safe, but she didn’t want to add to the chaos of starting a new job in a foreign country, so she waited and stored up all her ideas about the things Lexa absolutely had to see and do until it seemed more appropriate to message.

The smile on Clarke’s face early the next morning when she opened the message from Lexa soon turned to anguish as she read the last line. Seemingly tacked on as an afterthought, not a big deal, but Clarke knew that was the real point of the message and what had been there before were simply things to make Clarke smile, and the very Lexa image of riding rollercoasters in a suit did just that. Something she’d noticed about Lexa was that she never never put herself first. She was always checking on Clarke, even when it was Lexa going through hell.

To: Clarke Griffin

Why is the uniform called a costume? The only relief today was learning that I didn’t have to wear a skirt with chickens on.

Why does everywhere smell like sugar? I’m sure working here will leave me with rotten teeth.

Why is literally everything Mickey Mouse shaped? Someone literally asked me if we sold Mickey Mouse condoms today. I am traumatised at the prospect, Clarke.

Still, it’s unbelievably sunny and warm and I’m learning a million things. Yesterday, after induction, I rode rollercoasters for the first time...in a suit. Hope you’re enjoying boring old England, how’s everything with you? xx

P.S Cos dumped me via an inbox message and I just outed myself to the man who is sort of like my dad. Just thought you should know.

 

Clarke’s reply started a message trail that would last the length of the trip. One message a day from each of them, usually a mini-essay, detailing what they’d been up to, what the people they knew had been up to and anything else they could sneak in under the guise of general conversation. The communication was easily Clarke’s favourite bit of the day, her housemates having gone home for Easter, and her job crazy as many of the staff took the opportunity to use leave to spend with family. Lexa’s messages were great escapism and a reminder someone was interested even in the most mundane parts of her day. For Lexa, she knew she wouldn’t have survived the month in Paris but for Clarke giving her something to return from work to, and she was mildly concerned as to how she’d cope when that wasn’t the case back home.

 

XXX

 

When Roan had to return home to deal with a problem with his mother in May, Lexa wasn’t too concerned at being alone. She had some plans for the post exam period (a period which started much later in the year for her due to the crazy workload she that accompanied her combined degree subjects) and she’d only be without her flatmates for 3 weeks before returning to her home town and travelling on to Paris. 

She could’ve decided to pack up and go home early, but Anya would not be back and staying at home without her was still difficult despite the progress she’d made with Titus over Easter. Instead she reached out to the most dependable people in her life.

To: Indra: Flat here to myself for 3 weeks, come stay?

To: Clarke: Recommend me Netflix things to watch now I’m gonna be home alone for 3 weeks x  
 

Clarke was staring blankly at the last text she’d received from Lexa when Anya swept into the room and peered over her shoulder. “Is she moaning about being alone again? Don’t let her sucker you in, being alone is her favourite thing. Or is your must watch Netflix so long that you simply cannot select a couple of series?”

“Shut up Anya. Are you going to go stay with her?”

“Nope” said Anya, popping the ‘p’, “We can’t all be like you and take courses with no exams in first year. Anatomy is breaking me and it’s not til the start of June”

Anya leaving the room as abruptly as she’d entered left Clarke no less in her thoughts than she had been before the conversation. She really wanted to suggest something to Lexa, but there was no way she could suggest it where any of her friends could hear, and she wasn’t even sure Lexa would be on board with the idea. 

To: Lexa: How much would it cost me to get a train to yours?xx

 

When the reply came, Clarke was already in bed. She read it twice and swiftly tucked her phone away for the night, closing her eyes and trying not to second-guess every interaction she’d previously had with Lexa.


	8. Chapter 8

Lexa wasn’t very good at conversation. She wasn’t very good at knowing how to respond to people. More often than not, she completely did not get the joke she was laughing at along with everyone else. She’d tried. She listened to people, she remembered seemingly minute details, she could be sarcastic, and she could make people laugh, but she just could not get a good read on when people were actually being serious. The underlying issue with this was probably a self-esteem thing, because isn’t everything? But it was something she just got on with nonetheless, hidden behind the mask of stoicism and disinterest she rarely let slip. It was almost like Lexa didn’t quite believe anyone could be nice to her, and when they were she mistrusted them instantly. It was like those days at school when you don’t need to wear a uniform. Lexa hated those days. They made her unbelievably uncomfortable, not least because she was always fraught with worry that she would be the only one to turn up wearing anything other than uniform and everyone would congratulate each other on the hilarious joke they’d managed to play on the weird loner kid.

Everything got a lot harder over text, with no facial expressions to accompany things Lexa had found it best to just decide that none of her interactions were serious, unless the subject matter was. That is how she ended up typing the message she’d be replaying in her head for two or three weeks now. 

To: Clarke: Oh no. Do I really sound that desperate?! xx

Lexa was relatively used to her attempts at humour falling a little flat, particularly over text. She was aware people found her rude, but when Clarke resumed their normal texting pattern the next day and never once mentioned her suggestion again, even Lexa could tell something was amiss. The nature of her friendship with Clarke meant they shared many personal thoughts and feelings, but when it came to acknowledging the things said or felt between them they both preferred to protect themselves and the safe haven they’d created. 

As such, Lexa approached the second best option for clearing up why people were confusing her; Anya. Of course Lexa had the sense to avoid telling Anya it was Clarke she was referring to, given that Clarke herself appeared reluctant to divulge their near constant communication, even to her closest friends. Anya had come to expect a certain level of vagueness from Lexa and was satisfied enough with the story provided to avoid more intrusive questioning. When Anya pointed out that the reply not only completely avoided the question, but was also fairly dismissive of the friendship Lexa claimed to have built with her texting buddy, Lexa was devastated. She realised why it’d been eating at her for so long and, as Anya gently reassured her everything could be fixed if you tried hard enough, Lexa resolved to make it up to Clarke when she visited Anya in 3 weeks.

 

XXX

 

“Hey Clarke, can we talk?” asked Raven, head peering tentatively around the door into Clarke’s bedroom. 

Sensing the tension in Raven’s voice, Clarke discarded the book she was reading and wriggled out of the cocoon she’d made on her bed, “Come in, I can put down revision for a while. It’s on a book I’ve read a million times.”

“O!” yelled Raven, tension rapidly evaporating, “She said we can talk” she finished as she flopped down onto Clarke’s bed. Raven had quickly become one of her favourite people in the world. A complete joker, and always suggesting something ridiculous or boasting about her own prowess is ways no one needed to know, but when something was serious she’d flip the switch and be the one to pull you out. Clarke felt a bit bad that she’d not seen much of them for a while. 

“Hey Clarkey – made you tea. But your teabags suck so I used mine. Value teabags don’t make tea, they make dirty water. False economy if each cup needs 4!” said Octavia as she swept into the room carrying three mugs. The ambush and the bribe of tea made Clarke feel a little bit uneasy and she had no idea where this conversation was going. “So we need to figure out living arrangements for next year…” started Octavia tentatively

“Oh god, go on?”

“Well, this is a bit awkward, but…” 

“Don’t fuck with her O, just tell her we want to get rid of Finn and find a five bed”

“What she said.” 

“What guys?” asked Clarke, needing to be certain before she got her hopes up.

“We want you, me, O, Anya and Gus to get a place next year and for Finn to live with the guys off his course he mentioned” clarified Raven, sensing Clarke’s need to be sure.

“Ok, well obviously I’m absolutely for that. But why?”

“We just feel like we don’t see you enough anymore and he’s always locked in his room with his girlfriend anyway so why not?”

“Plus it’d mean it was less awkward around the house. We had no choice last year when we’d already signed the contract, but we know it was shit for you” finished O, with an apologetic smile in Clarke’s direction.

“Thanks guys”

“Anya and Gustus agree and they’re gonna talk to him”

“So all you need to do is say yes”

“Yes” 

“Good girl, how about we sack this off and go and order pizza and cheesecake and watch a shit film to celebrate?” suggested Raven, a mischievous look spreading across her face.

“Oh god, do I really wanna spend final year with you guys if this is how you encourage working?!” griped Clarke, as she rolled off her bed and followed her housemates into the lounge. Knowing she could spend her final year in complete comfort, indulging Raven’s childish eating habits and O’s questionable film taste lifted a weight she didn’t realise she’d been carrying and she resolved to make sure she savoured it.

 

XXX

 

The best way for Clarke to deal with going home for the summer was to not go home for the summer. After working at Disney last year, and then throwing herself into her nursery job and a Christmas temp job at the Disney store over the uni year she’d decided she deserved a break and so would be spending 6 weeks in Europe. It helped that this year she could move into the new house with everyone at the start of September so when she’d actually got around to looking, she’d only had the start of July to kill time, and Anya had been more than willing to suggest everyone come and stay with her for a few days to sample British Summertime on the coast. The only downside was that they’d invited Finn. Although he’d been surprisingly calm about not living with them, claiming he knew some guys from his French class that needed someone, everyone had felt a little bit bad about the situation and had renewed their efforts to include him in things post-exams. This led to them needing to take a 3 hour train journey together one Friday evening in July.

In truth, when Clarke wasn’t loving him, living with him, or desperately preventing herself from punching him, she remembered she actually had had something pretty great with the guy sat on the train opposite her. He’d changed quite a bit since they’d last managed any one on one time, and with what appeared to be maturity and sincerity came a self-depracating humour Clarke could appreciate. 

“You like coming down and visiting them then?” he asked, about halfway through the journey, making reference to Clarke’s previous visits.

“Yeah” answered Clarke, carefully, they may not be together, but she didn’t want to risk Finn still being able to get a good read on her motives, “I love that O, Bell, Gus and Anya are all here and we always have a good night out” she smiled.

“Mmhmm” replied Finn with a little smirk, “I’m surprised you remember” he grinned and Clarke couldn’t help but grin back, enjoying the easy banter between them.

“Shut up asshole.” 

 

XXX

 

“No Anya, I don’t wanna prink with you guys – you know I host something at mine every single time we go out…yes Anya I’ll definitely meet you there” Lexa couldn’t help but roll her eyes at Anya’s coddling. “Hey Anya” started Lexa, clearly interrupting the torrent of information coming down the phone from the other girl “Thanks for inviting me…love you too”

 

XXX

 

Sometimes Lexa should just accept a break in her routine and go along with someone else’s plans. At least that’s what she told herself as she sped towards the largest club in their relatively small town. She’d enjoyed having people over, it was, after all, a tradition that the likes of Indra start the night at Lexa’s. Unfortunately, the taxi driver taking them into town turned out to be less than polite, questioning the appropriateness of Lexa’s outfit as she approached the car, given that she was ‘supposed to be a girl’ and lamenting that ‘no guy would want to take her home if she dress more like a man than they did’. On top of the argument she’d had with Costia that day as she tried to worm her way back into Lexa's life once more, the awkward journey was enough to push her to the edge of her temper.

The only thing that came remotely close to brightening her mood, aside from the prospect of the evening itself, were the texts she’d been receiving as Clarke travelled down that day. They’d started that morning with a quick ‘looking forward to tonight’ and had progressed to a near-hourly countdown as Clarke’s train had hurtled towards its destination. Lexa’s favourites were the texts she was receiving now, and they were the only thing that had stopped her sending her taxi away and calling a different firm. They were the uninhibited, unguarded ramblings of someone who’d had enough to drink to release some honesty, whilst remaining articulate and in control of one’s functions. Lexa couldn’t hide her grin as a string of messages lit up her phone

From: Clarke: O’s boyfriend is here! He’s lovely!

From: Clarke: We hugged! He’s so nice!

From: Clarke: You’re nice. Why don’t we hug?

From: Clarke: We should hug.

From: Clarke: I’m going to hug you when you get here.

Lexa was just typing out a response when her phone lit up once more.

From: Costia: Outside the club on my motorbike, gotta be home soon but I've missed your face, you’ve got 10 mins :)

Lexa frowned at the unexpected interruption to her plans, hating that now she’d have to make a decision. She glanced around the car, Indra and Nyko were talking to one another and paying her no mind, most likely because she’d spent most of the evening lost in her phone. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth and closed her eyes. This was not turning out to be a particularly enjoyable evening. As she saw it, and she knew it was pathetic, she had two choices. Stop and see her ex-girlfriend, risking further arguments and potentially killing her desire to partake in the evening out, but opening the more dangerous possibility of future reconciliation. Or, avoid Costia, tell her she was already inside the club or she wouldn’t make it there before Costia had to leave and avoid a potential argument, accept the likelihood of a further argument, but stand her ground on not being suckered back into whatever weird game they were going to play with eachother's affections next. These were the kind of decisions Lexa hated, taking into account other people’s emotions so as to cause least repercussions wasn’t a strong point. Beyond that she knew that Costia had some sort of strange draw for her and her weakness when faced with the other girl made her more than angry with herself. Her worries were cast aside when her phone lit up once more.

From: Clarke: Hurry up we need to hug!

Lexa smiled, and then frowned, and then smiled again, seemingly making a decision and typing a quick response to Costia. Her new tasks decided, she sat back in the car and let the excitement for the evening ahead bubble up inside once more.


End file.
